The very last night, the very last time. The end of one era.

super reflective today.  Feeling a lot of emotion about closing Desire - knowing it's the last time.  What an important show this has been for me- my entire year wrapped up in it's creation.  The shape it gave to my life.  No matter what happens tonight- if there's an ice storm, if no one comes, if someone tries to set fire to their girlfriend on stage (true story - last nights open-mic)- this show changed my life.  For the better.  And that's success.

I think it was the mushrooms

I prayed to the mushrooms. The spores, the mycelium, the fungus.  I asked for their (it's?)  help in spreading the word about Drunken Fucker. Metaphorically, of course. But that was the image I had in my head. This network of information and nourishment, getting the right message to the right person...  (the pro-noia side of going viral?). 

Somehow, it worked.. People came to see a show about alcoholism called Drunken Fucker at the holidays starring a total unknown from Calgary.

AWES baby, as Sean would say (Sean being the Drunken Fucker).

I am so blessed, as I would say.

Thank you from the bottom of my terror-stricken heart. I sat in the audience for every show, just twisting with anxiety about what people thought of the show. Were they disappointed? Wish it were funnier? Sorry they came?

I feel that way about every show I've ever been involved with of course, but somehow this fear was more intense (something to do with my having no control over it I imagine).

And after every single show I'd talk to someone, or hear a story during the post-show discussion, or receive an email, that confirmed my decision to produce Drunken Fucker.

Sean's committment to the piece, to the material, to going to the darkest places in his brain, to spilling his guts, to revealing himself was so total, I felt humbled every night to witness it.

And really grateful that people came to see it.

Thanks mushrooms.  For everything.

The opening night of my dreams. For reals.

Manzanita, on a perfect summer day

There were 3 perfect days at the Oregon coast this summer.  My boss rented a beach house, and Besaw's all played together nicely.  Sean and Mary Rose showed up and hung out with us for a few hours - Sean here from Calgary to visit.  And we ended up talking not-so-idly about what would be involved in bringing him to Portland to perform Drunken Fucker.  

I got shivers, like you do when you know something's going to happen?  And it might look just like you imagine it's going to? But in a really really good way?

That's how I felt the night I saw Drunken Fucker for the first time. I knew that I would produce the show, and I knew that I would ask for and receive assistance from one of my regulars at the restaurant.  And talking to Sean on the beach this September, I knew it was really going to happen. 

me and Sean (aka Drunken Fucker) plotting our partnership Last night, our preview/opening/pay what you can, was even better than my Manzanita day dream.  But up until the lights came on, and Sean started talking, I felt utter dread.  

You see, we'd teched the show on Wednesday - well, sort of.  I am renting the theater by the hour, and had only allotted 4 hours for tech.  I figured, tech times for fringe shows are usually 3 hours or less - 4 should be plenty.  But I hadn't really considered that tech venues are staffed by people who know the space, the equipment, and are generally trained profesionals.  

When I saw Drunken Fucker this summer, Sean played with a live musician.  They riffed off each other beautifully, but due to expense and time, he wasn't able to reprise his role in the Portland version.  He recorded a soundtrack, and it sounds great, but it means 47 or so sound cues that weren't in the original the stagemanager has to deal with.  

Mary Rose, spa delight or portent of frustration to come? Or maybe it's 47 light cues.  I'd forgotten how light had played such an interesting role in Sean's show.  Having no set, no costume and almost no props, light creates mood and atmosphere in a way most fringe shows can't rely on.  We rented special lights just to achieve certain effects.  

More work for the stage manager.  Mary Rose, acting as Drunken Fucker's stage manager, is taking on a role she has never played.  She is an actress and improv artist, but time behind the scenes is fairly minimal.  However, she is game and affordable (much like a volunteer) and god damn if she hasn't put in her whole heart/soul/mind to this project.

 

Having run out of time on Wednesday, we were back at 5 on Friday, 3 hours before opening, while Alex the lighting designer was trying to build the last few cues, Mary was trying to master running sound and calling light cues for the first time in her entire life.  I asked if we had any pre-show music, and learned that Jay, the live musician, used to play something different every night.  In other words, no, we didn't. 

I drove home at 6:30 to craft a pre-show CD.  (Sean nixed my idea of a setlist of inspirational Bruce Springsteen songs - but to me, that's kind of the mood of the show - dark and hopeful).  He suggested 80's metal - Black Sabbath, ACDC, etc.  Definitely not something I have in my music collection.  But that's what itunes is for right?  Itunes FAILED me.  Got stuck on Highway to Hell and never got over it. 

I switched to Eric's computer and was able to pirate the songs much faster (I tried to be a good citizen- I really did), burned my first ever compilation of glamrock metal, and raced by to the theater.  The usher was already there (bless you Kay Olsen) and ready to fold programs. 

People started to stream in, and I got to greet them all.  I love offering theater as Pay What You Can.  It makes it so much more satisfying.  I feel like people really want to be there somehow.  And even when someone offers me a dollar, I am thrilled.  Because they showed up.  And I removed a barrier for them. Of course, some people paid more than the regular ticket price, and I was delighted to offer that opportunity as well. 

The end result being a nearly full house.  For a total unknown from Canada, with a show, during the holiday season, called Drunken Fucker.  Mary ran the show with almost no missteps.  And what an audience.  At the end, they stood up and clapped (and I didn't even start it). 

Thta feels like a holiday miracle, and i am filled top-full of divinest gratitude.

Thanks universe!

I am producing a show called Drunken F**ker. Am I crazy?

When I sent out the press release for Drunken F**ker, I got an email back from the guy who writes theatre reviews for the Oregonian.  He said "So you don't really want mainstream coverage for this show, huh?"

It honestly hadn't occurred to me that I would run into this problem. 

But ya know, I should have.  When I first saw the title in the Calgary Fringe Festival program, I totally thought "SKIP."  You have to understand, there are HUNDREDS of shows going on at fringe festivals.  You really do have to be selective, and yeah, you do end up judging a fair amount of books by the cover.

When I saw the title of Sean's show, I thought "Rant about alcohol.  Probably hits bottom, finds AA and lived to write a one-man show about it. NEXT!"  But as it happened, Sean's show was scheduled one night right after ours, in the same venue.  We were there already, and it seemed rude to leave (especially since he'd just seen our show).  So I went.

What I remember most clearly is sitting absolutely still for the entire show.  I was transfixed.

Immediately I felt like I was in the hands of an excellent story teller.  Sean is really likable, and that comes across immediately.  He is at home on stage.

The show opens with these stories of drinking through high school- and they are hilarious and evocative - and make you wish you'd been there. 

As the cracks start to appear, you think. Jeez, just slow it down a little and you'll be fine.  Because honestly, you don't want him to give up drinking.  The stories are too good.

The cracks get wider, and the stories get more and more harrowing.  You want to cover your eyes, your ears - you want them not to be true - but you know they are true.  This isn't fiction.  This is someone cracking themselves open and showing you the dark and ugly shadow in his soul.

And it is that willingness to share the very bottom, to unmask the brutal, mean, selfish person that he was, that makes Sean's transformation from a drunken fucker to a person you'd want to spend time with so effective. 

I wished I could tour this show to highschools.  I wish I  could share it with every woman who's ever been fucked over by a man with an alcohol problem, a kid who's dad hits him when he's drunk.   This show gave me a shot of faith for every person out there with what seems like incurable addiction.  If Sean can turn it around, from the depths he found himself, then it is not foolish to hope

This is the kind of theatre I want to see, and the kind of theatre I want to produce.  I left Drunken F**ker feeling like something inside me had shifted- like my heart had been opened.

And that's why I am producing a show that the Oregonian won't list in the theatre section.  

Fuck it.  Throw caution to the winds and hope the show finds the audience that needs a shot of hope.

FRIDAY Nov.27th
SATURDAY Nov. 28th
THURSDAY Dec. 3rd (pay what you can)
FRIDAY Dec. 4th
SATURDAY Dec. 5th

Theatre!Theatre! 3430 SE Belmont.  All shows start at 8pm

TICKETS? 

www.dancenakedproductions.com

WRAP UP AND CATCH UP

Ok, so I'm not what you'd call prolific. Perhaps I just don't like to blog unless I have something to say. But I admit, I have kind of dropped the ball on doing any kind of final, wrap up for the tour blog post. I think I was in deep chilax space, and didn't want to admit that I was feeling fried.

The tour was a dream come true. I feel like we had amazing luck, with reviews, sell-out shows, the communities of people we met, the billet we stayed with (THANK YOU TAMMI, FRED, AND GIN MAY!) I am truly grateful for the summer we had. The fact that Betty, the RV made it the entire way without a single breakdown....we had some serious angel protection. Universe lined up. And we had some challenges for sure (the blackout, the Laugh Shop postage-stamp stage, the angry mother of a 12 year old boy who heard us sing "My Vagina is 8-MILES WIDE" Thank you STORM LARGE) but nothing that didn't add to our treasure of awesome memories...









The opening parade in Edmonton




However, on returning home I felt a deep need to go within. The tour was enormously social, which is something I can only take in set amounts. To be on, for so long, was draining. To be responsible, aware, in charge, interesting....while super worthwhile, took a lot of energy. And I am a person who dearly loves my downtime. Alone time. And so when I got back to Portland I just did a 180. Didn't want to see anyone. Cut my hair short and dyed it dark. Went on tons of walks alone in the forest. There's been a serious upswing in the mediation/journal writing/personal exploration departments.


I've been thinking a lot about Dance Naked productions. Expanding the mission statement. I've saw dozens of shows this summer, over 70, and there are a few I really want to import. I am still committed to creating shows that explore sexuality, but as a producer, I am open to bringing in shows that don't necessarily focus on sexuality, but that excite me on another level. I want to produce theatre that celebrates human evolution. Theater that causes shift, encourages joy, advocates a sense of oneness and connectedness. I believe in the power of theatre to create hope (thank you Michael Rohd), to inspire action, to increase love. I've always struggled with the genre of theatre and entertainment that - to me- celebrates the dark underbelly of humanity. I have a hard time with watching how awful people can be to each other. Sam Shepard, Tracy Letts, David Mamet - I'm left depressed. I get that they are brilliant writers, but I want to feel uplifted when I walk out of the theatre - like I know more, understand better,be reminded of the wonder of the universe.

When I first named the company Dance Naked, it was because that image to me was one of complete vulnerability coupled with joy. That's the kind of theater I want to produce. I want authenticity, risk, openness, non-judgement, growth, humor, and courage. I want to hear the truth spoken. I want to feel challenged. And I very much want to be entertained.

There were a handful of shows I saw at the fringe in Canada that I feel like very much fit in with that description. I am so pleased to announce that I have convinced one of my favorite performers to bring his one-man show to Portland. The play is call DrunkenF**ker, and it is memorable.

Sean Bowie, who wrote and performs Drunken F**ker, " is from Calgary. When I saw the title in the fringe program, I thought "That's ballsy." But I wasn't particularly compelled to see the show. I thought - eh, rant about alcohol. Probably finds AA and gets sober. Boring. Next. And then I met Sean, and he seemed like such an affable guy, I decided to take a chance. After all, fringe shows are generally only an hour. I was electrified. The show is beautiful. And exactly what I thought it would be. But SO well done. Though the story line didn't surprise me, it was Sean's telling of the story that made it so compelling. The love affair with alcohol is so alluring, so funny, the stories, the people, the camaraderie - so seductive. And when the cracks start to appear, you want so badly to go back to how it was in the beginning, and as the stories get worse and worse, you want to stop listening, you want them not to be true. The show made me think, made me laugh, and made me want everyone I knew to see it. Because of the sense of hope, of growth that is possible in every one of us.

Someone very close to me was a heroin addict for many years. I attempted to get her in treatment repeatedly. I eventually couldn't take it and stopped trying. Every time I saw her, I thought it would be the last time. She was so close to not being. And then, finally, the desire to live caught hold. She pulled in. She went on methadone and completely changed her life. Now she's a mom, with a job and an amazing child. I am always slightly amazed and humbled when I see her, humbled that I had lost faith in her ability to change.

Three of four of my grandparents were alcoholics. I didn't know them. They died or disappeared, or were beyond knowing when I was born. I tend to not think about them, because they weren't a part of my life. Recently I had the opportunity to reflect on my ancestors, and I realized that alcohol played a critical role in keeping all those relationships from happening. Alcohol can be so destructive to families and relationships, and I think that's another reason I feel driven to produce this show in Portland.





My maternal grandfather, Van Heflin, was a stage and movie actor. A longtime alcoholic, he died the year before I was born.

I believe Drunken F**ker is a gift. A play about healing and hope, but one that doesn't shy away from darkness and heartbreak. Plus, it's really f**kin' funny.

I will post info about dates and getting tickets in a separate post.

I also want to ALERT THE MEDIA that we are going to revive Inviting Desire: Canada Tour 2009
for 2 NIGHTS ONLY December 11 and 12th. We are going to follow each other those with an open mic, so if you are reading this and want to participate, email me at eleanor@eleanorbrien.com. If you do a piece at the open mic, you get to see the show for free (wee!).






Why revive the show? Well, I do think there are a fair amount of people who wanted to see it but didn't get a chance. And I like the idea of a swan song. But more than anything else, I want to use that as a springboard to launch a January workshop (writing, non-performance based), and announce the spring version (Inviting Desire: Spring is Sprung or whathaveyou -TBD).

I'm so excited by the idea of creating this workshop. I think the part of creating Inviting Desire I most enjoyed, even more than performing, was the rehearsal process, particularly the weeks we spent improving and playing games and doing writing assignments. That's what I want to do with this workshop - give a group of women the experience we had as a cast, without the pressure of creating a show. Yes, we'll have an evening for invited guests, where the participants can share their pieces if they like, but nothing for the public.



For the public, we will have a brand spankin' new version of Inviting Desire premiere sometime in May. There will be some familiar faces, and some newcomers, and a whole fresh batch of fantasies. If you miss the show in May, we will also be performing as part of Eros Fest NW, which is tentatively scheduled for August of 2010.

And that, my dears, is what I have been thinking about. I will be in better touch the next few weeks, keeping you posted with the details of where, when, how much, and how can YOU get involved. Yay.

Reviews, cameos and poutine fries...

Having actors from other shows moonlight as the performance poet in our show adds a new little splash of excitement. We started with Rob G - who actually IS a performance poet, and did a little piece of his own in lieu of the piece I'd written (which was a complete surprise to the ladies- his poem ended "I thank god for making me a woman." Hilarious). Jonno did it the next night, and having had a talent crush on him for years, it was pretty freakin delightful to have him whisper in my ear "I've been thinking about you. I can't get you out of my head."

Anthony, a phenomenal actor we've recently befriended (who is incredible in Pinter's Briefs) did it on Tuesday, and he was charming, and then today we had Keira MacDonald from Cherry Cherry Lemon (a show i am coveting. Excellent writing and Seattlites Keira and Megan Hill tear up the stage. They are fierce!). i loved making the poet a woman.

Unfortunately I don't think the cameos always works that well - i think the bit is actually funnier when I play the poet- but we are enjoying playing with the show. We're down to our final three of the tour- and tomorrow night is a midnight show. We're making it the drinking show - and inviting everyone to drink every time we say Cock, Pussy or anyone orgasms. Should be jolly.

Reviews-wise, this town has been brutal. So odd. I thought Calgary would be the tough nut to crack, but Edmonton has proved totally stand-offish. Today a review came out that started with the line "I know when women are faking it, and these ladies faked it." It went on to posit that no real woman would ever say the kind of things we say, and indeed, that there are TOO many shows at the fringe about sexually frustrated women and that "Something should be done about it." YEAH, shut those bitches up! I mean, Jesus, we're faking it? hello...its called ACTING. It's called THEATRE.

but the bonus side of the negative reviews is finally feeling confident that despite the nastiness (from the Edmonton Journal "If female masturbation makes you uncomfortable, avoid this show like an STD") I believe in this show. I believe in it's merit, both as a piece of entertainment, and as an act of activism. Today we saw a show called Burlesque Unzipped, about the history of burlesque, and it was great to be reminded that Mae West got bad reviews, but the public loved her. The Can Can was banned in france, and the WORD burlesque was outlawed in New York City. Women have been fighting for sexual creative expression for a long time. So we continue in the line of courageous women claiming their right to share their sexual selves. So take your stars and shove em up your respective asses, Edmonton Media.

Well, I feel better.

Perhaps I'll get an ice cream. (Todays menu - coffee, crackers and peanut butter, fries (both regular and sweet potato), gyros, beer, chocolate and bee pollen (for health!)). Ridiculous. there is crap food EVERYWHERE. Maybe I'll go for an elephant ear. Wish you were here to share it with.

Edmonton day before the Festival set this city on Fire

We are just promoting the holy bejesus out of the show here in Edmonton. Did any of us mention that we are now in Edmonton? Well, here we are and ready to show our stuff. We so far have done a live bit at the mall, yes the mall, with the CBC Edmonton, Eleanor did a web media interview and I am blogging for the fringe. You can follow that blog here.
We have the parade tomorrow and we decorated Betty. I'm having trouble up loading her picture but I'll be sure to add her soon.

The challenging part was our tech rehearsal, I'm not going to spend time with anything that may sound negative but just know the space is small and low and we had to re-block. A little stress full, but damn it, we are professional and we can do it, we have done it and the opening show on Saturday will be amazing and sexy with new sexy blocking. YES.

Calagary treats us right!

OUR FIRST SELL OUT! WOOYAH!
Mary and I went on a fabulous hike with our tech Jareth. Gorgeous mountain lake, strenuous hike, amazing views....
Oh, the smell of the great outdoors - totally delicious.

Oh, talk about a picture postcard! Mary and Jareth kindly agreed to be my muses for this one.

Four and a HALF stars - we're gettin' closer!

The Calgary Herald came out today. I steeled myself. I did EFT (emotional freedom technique). I coached myself with positive self-talk and how one person's opinion isn't the gospel truth. So I was delighted to read the following

Four and a half stars

Created by Dance Naked Productions

Review by Stephen Hunt

One thing you can't say about a show exploring female sexual fantasies is been there, done that.

Give or take Samantha on Sex in the City, female sexual fantasy just doesn't get much play in mainstream pop culture. I'm not sure why. They're plenty entertaining, whether you're a man or a woman.

Inviting Desire is a group effort created by the women who comprise Dance Naked Productions (there are six listed in the program, although only four performed Monday night's show). The whole story hinges around the journey undertaken by Eleanor O'Brien, (the show's director), who wakes up one day with a flagging libido and decides to get help.

However, the more she tries to learn about the sexual fantasies of her friends, the less forthcoming they are. It isn't until she concocts a survey through a website that ensures anonymity do the fantasies begin to roll in.

The engaging, all-female cast take turns exploring a number of different scenarios, mostly through the highly underrated erotic technique of storytelling.

There's a woman out to dinner with her husband who meets a handsome stranger for a quick tryst in the bathroom.

There's another involving yoga, a late-night gym dream date, and the best one of them all, told by O'Brien, which involves a massage at a health spa.

Inviting Desire explores the nature of sexual fantasy in a way that's funny, provocative, occasionally graphic and always entertaining. O'Brien herself is more or less the ringleader here, and she does a wonderful job of drawing the audience into the world of her lusty ladies without making it feel gratuitous. (The other three all do terrific jobs as well, but I don't know who was who).

Inviting Desire is a smart, funny, sexy theatre piece.

shunt@theherald.canwest.com

Woohoo! Smart Funny Sexy!!!

Calgary moments

So far, Calgary has been treating us quite well. It has given us numerous hot summer days filled with yummy food, walks in the park, full house shows, a generous and gracious host, an art festival, a farmers' market, and of course last night's adventure in the gymnasium.
First I just want to mention my favorite things so far--
Eleanor's birthday was on Friday. We went to brunch at a place called Diner Deluxe, which had one of those menus that torture Geminis like myself. So many amazing things to choose from. I had veggie eggs benedict and took bites of gouda and Canadian bacon stuffed french toast, grilled grapefruit with Rosemary syrup and fried oatmeal with lemon curd (yummmm). Then we visited a park that is an island in the middle of the river. This island wetland serves as a water purifier for the dirty runoff of the city. It is replete with native plants and duck ponds and small river beaches. As we were sitting by the river, dipping our feet in, I heard the sound of music. Tonya identified it as the man playing the auto-harp at the top of a set of stairs, and we followed our ears to reach him. I sat in the shade nearby to listen, and then Tonya seduced me off my butt as she began to dance. We proceeded to dance to this man's music for a while, and then Eleanor found us and danced as well. When we all finished, I went to talk to him and he told me that was the first time anyone had danced to his music spontaneously like that. He commented on how crucial it is for artists to collaborate in that way--especially in public. He also told me that he and his brother used to play in Bluegrass bands together, and since his brother died 3 years ago, he has been continuing to play the auto-harp partially to make money, but largely to connect with his brother. Daniel was his name. That really made my day, although it kept just getting better. We saw two hilarious shows--The Power of Ignorance, and On Second Thought. ANd then we performed our show to an almost packed house and a very receptive audience. What a great day!
But yesterday may take the cake for memorable days. The day was filled with hot, sweaty, sunshiny fun at an arts festival on the same street that the Fringe festival is on. We watched street performers and danced to drum music, we drank lemonade and lounged at a burning-man-esque shade structure, all the while handing out flyers for our show and meeting new people. Tonya and I went to a show that was maybe the worst show I've seen so far on this trip--the kind that reminds you of all the things you shouldn't do--sigh before every line, look around aimlessly when you're supposedly looking for something, cast an extremely flamingly gay man as a straight man who needs to express attraction for a female character in the show...the list goes on. We,(except for Adrienna who has a propensity for predicting these things), had no idea that this scorcher of a day would turn into the huge storm that it did. One child was killed by flying debris and others were wounded in other parts of Calgary. The extent of our disaster was the tale that Adrienna tells in her blog entry below this one. I will share a couple of moments from the gymnasium that we ended up doing our show in. If you haven't read the story of what happened, you should check out Adrienna's entry now to get the back-story. Basically, we had to change venues and do our show in a fluorescent-lit gymnasium with our audience on top of us.
One of my favorite moments was when I was doing my bald-guy line and there happened to be a bald guy sitting in front of me. We had an extremely good view of everyone's faces which was particularly challenging because people would avert their eyes so much as we made eye contact. I found myself looking at the bald guy in the eyes as I said my line--how perfect. And he didn't look away. But in the middle of my line, as I am rubbing the lumps on "his" head, his girlfriend wacks him--she is clearly mad at him for looking back at me. Oops. I quickly shifted to someone else.
Another gem was when I was doing the teacher monologue. I looked at Paul, our friend who was the safest face to look at because he was totally with us, and noticed that he had a look of shock and horror on his face as the student "grabs the back of my hair" due to his tension rising as I blow him. Later he confessed that he had been a teacher and was empathizing at that moment. He was relieved at the line, "this is my fantasy, and no one can arrest me for my thoughts." It reminded him that he hadn't done anything wrong.
There were other moments, but I'll leave it there. I'll let the others get a chance to share.
I feel as though we are officially in the thick of this trip. And i'm having a great time.
--Mary

When the lights go out the show goes on, and we all get a surprise

There will never be another production like last nights show in Calgary,oh no. I'm sure I wont be the only one from the cast to write about this show because it was just, um, a classic.

We've been in Calgary for the past couple of days, lovely city but different, way different, from Winnipeg when it comes to the fringe. Our venue is in an old theatre that just recently (like up to a week ago) was a retail store. It has a stage, from its old glory days of once being a theatre, but it's dirty from the days of being a stock room. We are honored to rechristen this theatre. Our techi, is awesome and our tech rehearsal went well, followed by a high energy, packed, and responsive audience. We were delighted!

Last night, nearing the end of the performance of a fellow fringer, the lights went out, all of them. The actress stood on stage in the darkness for a moment as the volunteers announced that a wind storm had knocked down power lines, and that the entire block was out. We held up flashlights, and the show we were watching continued.

We exited the theatre, and were greeted by a windy storm, and cold air as dark clouds enveloped the once blue and hot sky. As we all rushed to Betty (our RV) we noticed that, yes indeed, the entire street was out including our venue, and we had a show to do. The show was at ten. It was around eight. We discussed, maybe we could do it with flashlights too? Will the lights be up and running by ten? Will the show go on? We went to fringe central (this little tent in the corner of a parking lot). We were told, if the lights were up we were in our venue if not well there was another venue, we could move our stuff there and have the show, after all we had pre sold tickets. It was nine, we didn't have much time to decide, by nine thirty the lights still down in our venue, the show must go on.

I will be honest I didn't really look forward to breaking our stuff down shoving it in Betty and driving three blocks to have to set it up again, plus being on a stage we were not familiar with, and with no lighting or sound cues, I was weary, but I had no idea...

We were in a small gym inside a church. When we walked in it was so hot it was balmy, and it stunk like, well, a gym. The stage? There was none, it was the floor marked with lines from the basketball court. The audience? Right on top of us. The lighting? Lights on, lights off, let me add to that- fluorescent lights on, then lights off-no lighting. Sound? our awesome techi got his laptop hooked up to a small speaker and got prepared. Eleanor's brother Ben stood at the light switch to turn the lights on and off- the show, a full house, went on!

Sure doing a show last minute in a new venue with no lighting or sound is raw, fringey, and we have the capabilities of doing it, but add to it that the audience is right on top of us in full blaring lights and eye contact. When one of us is on our hands and knees our fingers nearly touch the foot of some one's boot, and you are doing a play about sex, well...hah fringy? I think that was one of the hardest performances we have ever done, and as Tonya said when it was over: "No one can say shit to me now, nothing will top that."

Eleanor had mentioned that while at the venue in Winnipeg she had missed the intimacy of a small stage she wanted to be close to the audience. Be careful what you wish for right? There is something be said about lighting and distance especially when you are one your knees pretending to simulate sex and climaxing on a what feels like a sixth grade gym. And the audience? Oh poor poor audience so stiff. As you look right at them men and women of all ages, no where to hide, and you swallow voraciously its just a little weird feeling. Our staging was improv-ed as most of the time there was no where to move things, the rug on the gym floor was sliding all over the place, in the plant piece the boxes were sliding apart, and I could feel my body falling through the cracks. It was so hot and we were so sweaty that during ritual, when Mary and I dance, Mary grabbed my hands to pull me up but our skin was slick and she slid right off me, and I watched her tumble backwards. Our faces and lines made a combination sound of terror and laughter. She caught her footing we continued to do the scene, but I had just lost it at that point. From the lines of a fellow fringer's show, "How did I get here?" It was to funny, I could barely stay in the scene, memories of Jr high and high school productions racing through my head as I could see, I mean really see, the look of horror on the faces of audience members.

The thing to note is that, when it comes to sexy, fluorescent lights in a church gym, is not sexy. I know we pulled it off, but we were uncomfortable, the audience was uncomfortable. Imagine this: you are in the audience watching four women dripping with sweat talking about a daddy fantasy, all hot and dirty and you are getting into it right, it's your fantasy maybe, or not, but it turns you on and you feel a smile breaking those tingles in your body, and you can feel the heat from people on both sides of you, then suddenly you are aware that a woman that looks just like your mother is sitting beside you horrified, and scared, of this sexy story about calling a man daddy in bed. In fact there are all these people around you- and they can see you- and they know, they know you want to spank that woman on stage so bad, and what do you do? You shrink back inside yourself, I mean your mother is watching! So yes they were quiet. Still, aside from one man that looked like he wanted to leave so bad, like I think he was hating every minute, and this is not projecting, I mean we could see everyone, and everything, oh god could we. I think people still liked it. And I think we are the bravest performers ever.

As we laughed at the ridiculousness of it all, and relishing the finer details of the crazy most awkward performance ever, I thought oh god I never want to do a show involving sex on the floor of a hot sweaty light glaring church gym again. Thank god we had some good supporters in the audience; Eleanor's mom and brother, and our friend and fellow fringer, Paul (How did I get here). Paul sat front and center, and we all mentioned later that since we could see, I mean really see, the audience most lines were delivered to Paul. Yes, "I wrap my salavating mouth around his penis," delivered right to Paul. I still am laughing, god I wish everyone who knows this show and knows us could have seen this show because I don't think there will ever be another like it, and those audience members? Oh they will never forget us either.

Positive strokes from a fellow performer

Oh Hell yeah! This is from a guy who was doing a solo show at the Winnipeg fringe, which I am so disappointed I didn't see (the worst part of the fringe - the fact that you only ever see a tiny fraction of all the shows - I got to 25 this year, out of 146 - and thought I was doing pretty good). Wilson, if you're reading this, I so hope our paths cross someday. Thanks for the message - it is SO helpful for us to hear from people like you.

(this is what Wilson wrote to us)

To the Women of Inviting Desire,

I've been meaning to write you this since seeing your show last Thursday. First and foremost I loved your show. It was easily at the top if not number one show I saw at this years Fringe. It was just so refreshing, fun, moving, touching, daring, funny and a crap load more. Such wonderful performances from these four women. As a performer myself I was so inspired by these wonderful actors. The writing and performances push me to be a better writer/actor myself and I was so happy to have had a chance to see your show. Beautiful! Just beautiful show.

My one regret was that with performing my own show, working my job, and searching for a new apartment, I was only able to see your second last show on Thursday. Had I seen it earlier I would have been able to tell more people to see it rather then the two days I was gabbing about it. In reading your blog for your final noon show all I could think was how easy it is to see the empty seats, crossed arms, and hear the silence. My Tuesday noon show (13 people) was beyond draining as I rely so much on the energy from the audience. I hate the fact that your last show would be a noon one as I just think what your show had to say was so important and refreshing. I love your motto for Dance Naked Productions and look forward to seeing much more from you. I wish you much success in your time in Calgary and Edmonton. By success I mean I hope your rake it in with audiences and moo-la but also success in getting your message from your show out there. I remember leaving it feeling so energized and happy, and just wanting to share what I saw and heard. I hope more people get an opportunity to experience it as well. Break a leg and please come back. Hope to see something from you again soon in the future.

Ending with a nooner in the peg

I wish I could say we went out with a bang. Speaking for myself, it was more of a whimper. I don't feel great about this last show. I felt like I was really affected by what I perceived to be audience stand-offishness. We came out before the show and sang My Vagina is Eight Miles Wide and I was highly aware of the people in the audience who seemed completely closed to us. Even though I could see my new friend Shy in the audience (there for the THIRD time!) I crumpled a little to see people with their arms crossed over their chests, and all those empty seats.

In the opening scene with Tonya where she plays the phone sex operator, I dropped a line. I've never dropped a line in this show. I just felt a little off. Like I kept trying to figure out how to make the unbelievers into believers. And I think my performance, and presence to the moment, suffered.

Take away lesson? THere are people in the audience who are there for you, who want your success (and there really were - I just looked passed them so I could focus on the jury). Do the show for them. Don't give up and give into your self-pity that people aren't liking the show, it's not for them, they are disgusted or disappointed or horrified. I am making this all up in my head and projecting it. There really are live people in the audience who are delighted to be there, who share our enthusiasm for sexual openness. When I give into fear, I do them a real disservice.

Standing in line to see another show, the volunteer usher asked me what show I was in, as I looked familiar. I mumbled something about how I'd probably flyered him at one point. He said, "No, I've seen you onstage" and I said, "Well, I'm doing the sex play." And he said, "OH! We loved your show. You shouldn't appologize, don't say "the sex play," say, "THE SEX PLAY." You should be proud." And that was yet another reminder that we do have audience out there who respond, and who are thrilled to have us here, and no, I'm not going to please everyone, but there are quite a few out there who have been quite pleased indeed.

Well I'm having a blast on this theater immersion program. Performing, seeing 1-3 shows per day, meeting theater artists and shooting the proverbial shit with them. Last night we had a party on our RV. I think the max we had in there at any one time was 10 or 11. We parked it right near the King's Head pub, which is where everyone tends to convene at night, and we had a rotating cast of characters coming in to pile cozily and drink box wine, lounge on the bed, play games, eat chocolates, etc. It feels like a party so fast in there because of how limited the space is. Immediately, everyone is right on top of one another, talking too loud, spilling wine and making the place rock. It felt like a proper use of our little Betty,(aka the Chariot of Desire), and hopefully a precedent for times to come. There was mention of a martini party on thursday...

Our shows have been going really well, especially last night's. Something was special last night. Maybe it was the really responsive audience, or maybe it was the pair of mating dragonflies that landed on me during one of the scenes, or maybe it was just the magic within the cast, but we were on. I felt so alive out there, and it seemed like everyone else was feeling it too. I'm excited to be experiencing the changes every day as we grow more and more into our show.
Funny little anecdote: The other day, I don't know what we had eaten, but suddenly I had to fart right as we were about to go out onto the stage. I admit, I could have probably moved away a bit, but we were at places, and I stayed right with everyone else when I let one rip. Everyone exclaimed in disgust and resentment as they covered their noses from the awful smell and we tried to hold back our laughter so the audience wouldn't hear us. We started the show, and no problems until...in the middle of Adrienna and my scene, right at the part where she is below me and I am looking at her face lovingly, I smell a foul stench sneaking up into my nose. Revenge. Adrienna has farted right as I have to look lovingly at her face and say the line, "The light reflects against your face. I see only love, open adoration". My head is positioned directly above her ass. That was truly a moment of acting. My face had to force itself into a look of admiration when internally I was cringing and trying not to breathe. Well done Adrienna.

Yesterday, we found a food co-op to my great joy and celebration. I have been feeling horribly removed from my familiar food habits, and it was reassuring to find organic greens, overpriced eggs, bulk grains and nutritional yeast. The co-op here is small, but not too small to have a little deli counter where they make vegan delights such as Yam and pumkin seed pate, Bliss balls, and tofu bacon strips. Everything they had was really delicious and brought me right back home. First thing I did with the groceries was make a big kale and parsley salad with lemon juice and olive oil and whoops, we don't have salt, so Adrienna did the best she could by rubbing the salt off of the macadamia nuts. You make do with what you've got. Delicious.

Today is a free day, which means seeing shows, flyering and promoting our show as much as possible,(the task that never gets checked off the to-do list), and relaxing. But first my blessed egg breakfast that I have so missed...
--Mary

We Asked for Signs

I have no idea how to move the pictures around so that the words and the pictures look good together, but I wanted to put these up on the blog. As we were driving to Winnipeg, Mary said, "Let's ask the universe for signs." Or something to that effect. Within an hour, swear to god, we passed "Be Kind" and Be Grateful."

I also put up the photo of the fringe postering that goes on all over the place. It is totally OTT - we have gone through hundreds of posters just to keep up, but that is kind of the nature of the beast.

Another 4 STAR review! (Not that we care aboot reviews)

It's true - I give way to much power to reveiws - not so much the positive ones, though I am grateful for them, but the negative ones, or rather, the possibility of negative ones. I fear having the words ring in my head for years to come (Toronto review of Girls Guide - "Unsexy, unfunny, unprepared." Can I remember a word of my Edmonton 5 star reviews? Nope).

BUT thank god I don't have to deal with that TODAY. Because our reveiw in the Winnipeg Free Press was another rave.

For your reading pleasure....

"I have always been curious about sex. And I love inappropriate questions." With those two statements as her scene-setter, Portland, Ore.-based writer/performer Eleanor O’Brien gives her audience fair warning that the hour that follows will be as frank, feverish and in-your-face sexual as anyone could hope to handle.

Inviting Desire is for decidedly mature and disinclined-to-blushing audiences. Flanked by Tonya Jone Miller, Mary Rose and Adrienna Ogin, fellow travellers on the road to fulfilment, O’Brien is determined to make this tightly choreographed and startlingly graphic exploration of female sexual fantasy a fully, er, satisfying encounter.

The premise is simple: as a woman of a certain age, O’Brien has found herself, on occasion, coming up short in the self-satisfaction department. Someone suggests a deeper kind of fantasizing, the kind that creates a more direct brain-to-groin connection. But how?

Well, with a little help from friends who respond to an anonymous online survey, O’Brien compiles a list of fantasy-driven suggestions in which every option, every opportunity and every orifice are explored.

And then the girls get down to the gritty business of acting it all out onstage, in full, flush-inducing detail. Daringly hot stuff, indeed.

The First Show, The First Review

We held our breath after the lights came up and the show was over. We quietly packed up our stuff and put it away in the stage shop space.
"Well. We hope they didn't totally hate it."

Portland audiences were loud and filled with laughter. The stage was small and intimate. We could feel their energy. Our first audience at the Winnipeg fringe was far from us. The venue is large, the stage is large, and they were quiet. We had no idea what they thought.

We know the subject matter is hard for some to swallow but still... we were nervous as we talked about the review not being important: it's the show that's important. And this is true, it is the show that is impotant, and we know this, and we love this, but we are also humans, and we put our love, and our life, and our personal stories up there on the stage for people to view, and we all in our own personal way, were preparing for a possible blow. We are strong, and we have each other, and we have you at home Portland so we hold hands, and hold each other up, and wait, and say, we can take it, bring it on! And...

They liked us. They really liked us in fact they four star liked us. We are jumping with joy! Our first review said we are "the sexiest show at the fringe," can there be anything better?

Read the rest here.

Once again, thank you Portland, thank you home for supporting us. This baby done good, and she's only gonna get better and better with age.

Getting the word out in Winnipeg

The first day of the Winnipeg fringe has come and gone and the rain, oh that stinkin' rain, kept the crowds small but not the energy.
As Eleanor blogged on yesterday's post, we have a large venue to fill. The stage is so much larger than what we have worked on before; for an intimate play we do not have an intimate stage. We'll have to work even harder than we already do, but we can do it. CAN I GET A CHEER HERE! Wup!

So, when you gotta fill a stage you gotta let the people know your here. So we run to ques as people wait to get into a show and we serenade them with "My Vagina is 8 Miles Wide" (Thank you again Storm) and pass out fliers and chat with people as they go into the theatre.

As a group we have seen two shows: The Cock Whisperer and The Hefner Monologues. Both very enjoyable witty show with personal touching moments, and much humor. The Cock whisperer is our competition tomorrow for audience, I had been nervous about that show because I was concerned it might be just like ours. After watching it though, my worries have faded, the only thing our shows have in common is sexuality and humor, and as our show highlights sexuality and humor come in a million different colors. I think we'll have some audience members that will enjoy both our show and hers, but there will also be people that gravitate to us more than her and vice versa. The thing that I realized is that it is silly to worry about competition of one play when there are many shows going on at the same time as ours, and we all want the audience, and we all want to see each others shows, and we all want the audience to see the shows we want to see. It all comes out in the wash right? Still, we are working our asses off to make sure that we get our laundry done first!

Tech Rehearsal - CHECK!

We had our tech this morning and it went great. Super smooth - the two guys who are running our lights and sound are totally on it. They even added interesting gobos (lighting effects) and are both have an artistic touch with calling cues. YAY.

We are in a HUGE venue - which is exciting and intimidating. We have to goose up our volume, and even delivery to some extent. It's a theatre which often houses musicals, so you get the idea.

Just to run the show felt great - it helped us remember the reason that we're here - not just to promote but to actually DO the show.

I admit, I am terrified of how the show will do - critically and in terms of numbers. When I think about it I get all seized with panic - but I do recognize that it's better than it was the last time I was here. I was just a ball of anxiety the first time round - coming off Toronto and the worst review of my life. That time Winnipeg felt like a warm bath - totally welcoming and generous in response. I pray for the same reception - that people will welcome an empowering show about women's sexuality, and not freak out and keep embarrassment from getting them into the theatre. Our first show goes up the same time as The Cock Whisperer (which I personally can't wait to see). So that's scary - kind of a similar demographic I imagine.

But I am trying to keep in the front of my mind that first and foremost we are here to have an artistic adventure. To meet people and make friends and see shows and do theatre. PLAY. Despite flashes of terror, I feel like I am right where I want to be.

The Tour!

It has been some time since any of us has had the chance to blog, so sorry, we've been very busy, a little anxious, and completely excited about our artistic adventure.

Thank you to everyone who supported our show while it was in Portland (both the first and the second shows) you are greatly appreciated, and you have helped us get to Canada- we only almost ran out of gas, twice. We've discovered that Mary and Adrienna are not a good combination when driving because they talk too much, and forget to look at the gas gage, and then they look at each other and say, "woops."

See our RV? Isn' t great? This picture is from our last day in Portland minutes before we all jumped in the ol' camper and hit the road.

We made amazing time, especially when we could only drive at 50-55 miles an hour. Let me tell you we were passed a lot, I mean a lot, other RV's passed us, it was great. The RV is the perfect size for the four of us. Everyone takes turns driving, we always have a navigator so the driver isn't alone, and that leave tons of space in the back for the other two. It took us about two days to get to Winnipeg, and the drive was beautiful.

We stopped in Spokane for some dinner (we have snacks galore but a meal was sometimes needed) and Mary and I did a little slow dance for some of the customers as a live band played. We drove late in the night till we found an abandoned ski lodge in Idaho, where we parked to get some sleep. It was so beautiful, the sky curved like a fishbowl and was black with so many stars visible. The moon was bright yellow and rose over the mountains. In the morning we drove through Montana. Oh, Montana, big, beautiful and a long drive. It was hot but it wasn't terrible, well it was a little hot in the cab but nothing we couldn't handle.


If you ever find yourself in Montana and need some used cows the place in the photo is where to go.


Montana is spectacular and they don't call it Big Sky for nothing. The sunsets where vibrant and deep magenta and burgundy, just brilliant. Tonya and Eleanor watched an electrical storm and said the lighting was the same deep range of pinks and reds as the sunset. I'm so bummed I missed that!


We stopped in a truck stop in Montana our second night, but the mosquitoes, the loud trucks and the deep muck of mud and sludge put us quickly back on the road, until we found a construction site with a closed road in North Dakota where we parked and slept.


North Dakota was so green and lush, with wetlands and clear sparkling ponds with grey trees growing out of the water like crooked fingers reaching toward the sky. We all were so awed by the beauty of North Dakota and its expansive fields of green. We were not so awed by possibly the worst coffee in the world served at Krolls cafe in Bismark, very nice people, very bad, bad coffee. We called it Coffer: water coffee.








Mary loves bears.





Tonya is pretty much embodying all of our joy.

Eleanor is so excited she can't help but sing




And, Mary Rose and Adrienna made up a great cheer, I mean we are set to Invite Canada into so much desire they may just explode. Perhaps we should come with a warning label?

We only got stuck at the boarder for about 45 mins, during our examinations, we sang "My Vagina is 8 miles Wide," yes, that's right we are here, Canada, we are here.

We have postered, met a few other fringe performers and are staying with the most wonderful host- ever- really, things couldn't be more enjoyable.
Our tech is on the 15th and our 1st performance is on the 17th. We have a pretty large venue to fill so wish us luck with our seduction at pulling in an audience.

We will post again soon with our Winnipeg, Fringe experience- CHEERS! LIBIDO!


Doesn't it seem like this should be our venue?


The Wind and the Willows right here in Winnipeg.


That's right baby, it's a sign. Literally

You can't please everyone all of the time, but you can please one at least once-

Or two or three...

I know that there has been some criticisim that this show is not enough, not erotic enough, that we pussy foot, but one thing to remember is that everyone's threshold, experience, and boundary is different. A small cock to one can be a huge cock to another (I'm just saying).

I had one woman say to me, "man, I wish I had a better idea of what the show entailed before coming to see it. I would have brought an extra pair of panties."

I thought that was hilarious, but it was this e-mail that I was sent that seemed really important; something that seemed to strike me as more important than being wet or dry. This is only my personal view point, of course, as far as importance of messages go, but I thought I would share:

What a GREAT, GREAT show. Wow. I loved it. It was so bold and true and important. I really think our culture's attitudes about sexuality are extremely wounded and it is art like this that will help us to revision this important component of being fully human.

A Dream

OHMYGOD, WE'REGOINGTOCANADA!!! How freakin' excited am I? It's a funny story, actually. See, I had been stressing out about the tour, focusing on all the negatives- how much work I have to do before I go, Howard (my primary partner) is going to miss me, my cats are going to hate me, my business is going to suffer, nobody will remember and love me when I get home- that kind of stuff. I was dreading the tour, not excited to get to spend two weeks each in three interesting cities I might never visit otherwise. And then last Wednesday I had a dream so real that I woke up Thursday morning crying and completely discombobulated.

I dreamt I arrived at the theatre on Thursday to find Eleanor, Mary, and Adrienna waiting for me with very serious looks on their faces. They proceeded to tell me that I was no longer in the ensemble and not going to Canada, but that I would have to finish out the three Portland shows. They wouldn't tell me why, in fact would not talk to me at all after announcing I was ousted. I tried to call Howard but could not reach him on the phone. I called two of my dearest friends- on their house phone which I don't even have the number of, just their individual cell phone numbers- only to be told, "we don't like you anymore, Tonya, quit calling us."

It was kind of traumatizing. I mean, I woke up convinced I had lost the things that mean the most to me in this world. Once I calmed down and realized it was just a dream, I of course started pouring over it trying to deduce its meaning. This is what I came up with...

The dream was a reminder from myself of how important it is to me to be a part of this ensemble and to get to go on the tour of Canada. I think it was my way of slowing myself down and re-focusing on the joy and excitement of this grande adventure. Inviting Desire is obviously very important to me, even if my conscious mind sometimes loses sight of that because all the work and time involved can feel very draining. Anyway, it was a nice little kick in the pants, and now I'm really starting to get psyched up. Yes, I have a ton of errands to run and a couple of people I'd really like to see before I leave. But this is going to be SO MUCH FUN! I can't wait to get on the road with my sexy compatriots...

Canada, lock up your sons and daughters! Heh.

Closing night, opening summer!

Ah, the closing night of a show usually has a bittersweet feel - there's often a bit of relief, combined with the sadness of knowing that no matter how close a cast has become, the family is breaking up. And of course, the adrenaline of wanting to make it the best show EVER.
Happily, we are merely closing here in Portland, but the excitement of the tour is building. (I am researching RV roof sealants at the moment! WOohoo!)

The open mics this weekend have been pretty special. Thursday night J--- got onstage (he hadn't signed up, but we had a few no-shows) and asked for a volunteer, and Mary was up for it. They created a beautiful piece of contact improv, coupled with J---'s poem and improvised accompaniment, one willing audience member drumming out a beat on one of the boxes.

Last night (Friday) was totally powerhouse (and probably way too long, but man, there was so much good stuff). D---- started things off with a poem about sacred cock worship, K---- described an incredible night with two lovers, C---- shared a story about fucking his woman with another man, and getting both their cocks inside her at once (whew - it was freaking hot). We had world's cutest couple do pieces back to back that gave us a delightful window into their sex life - including an audience sing-along of The Lion Sleeps tonight, and an erotic softball charade. I know! You so wish you were there!

I am mulling over some criticism I read recently about the show. This particular audience member felt like it lacked eroticism - he felt like he was sitting next to his mom, watching their next door neighbor. And of course, at first I felt that familiar panic of "oh no, I've done something wrong! Someone doesn't like the show! I failed." But I am getting a hold of myself (writing about it helps).
I do appreciate hearing other viewpoints of the show-as you might imagine, I tend to hear the good stuff, and people censor their criticisms when speaking to the shows creator (though given enough time, I will ask for and receive analytical feedback).

My original intention in creating this piece was to explore the feeling of desire - specifically in a theatrical context. As a lifelong theatre goer, I find I can remember few instances of feeling desire while watching a show. I was curious if that is something we block in a public setting, or is it that theatre, ostensibly able to hold the mirror up to humanity, is challenged in creating a feeling of (sexual) desire that an audience can share?

So when someone sees the show and is left dry, as it were, I worry we haven't met the challenge. But
Inviting Desire is an experiment, to see what it's like to portray desire, and to discover if an audience responds. Perhaps that won't be everyone. I think some people relate to some parts and not to others. God knows I have read hundreds of erotic stories that didn't move me in the slightest.

With this version of the show, I do feel that we are more removed from the audience. (I personally really miss the erotic hairpulling segment). I wonder if that keeps some people from actively feeling turned on. But I have heard from a number of people that parts of the show really did do it for them. Perhaps more so when we were right up against them in the church (literally - for those who missed the Fertile Ground version - the audience was at our feet, sometimes we tripped over them- and the venue was an old converted church).

But with this version I think it needed to have some remove. (The venue itself kind of creates that - being in IFCC creates a much more palpable sense of "being in the theatre") - and secondly, it's the version we are taking on tour. We are going to unknown cities in Canada, using venues we have never seen, with an audience that could very well be less than Portland-receptive. The show had to adapt. It needed to become more theatrical, and hense, perhaps less viceral.

And I suppose I don't so much mind the sense that you might be sitting by your mom, watching your next door neighbor. The other part of the mission in creating this show was to open up the topic of sexuality. Guess what, you're mom has sex, and so does your next door neighbor. And if this show helps you to be open and appreciative of that, then super. I didn't fail.

Sexual revolutionaries!

I received this letter from a well-meaning audience member. Funny, the concern about the legal ramifications of our show. I thought back through the show and wondered if we mention pedophilia. In the teacher piece, you have no way of knowing the student's age. And crimes against women? I wonder if the S&M piece is what the letter refers to. But I am delighted that whoever sent this email loved the show and wants to see it made into a movie. I like the idea that you can't ban a movie. But I also think that the reason this piece works is BECAUSE it's theatre, it's a live experience, the audience plays a huge role in creating the show moment by moment and night by night.

Hi Eleanor,


I saw the performance on Saturday. Outstanding! It was a GREAT performance, and important work. Let me wish you every success for the future.

A couple of suggestions:
- a movie of the play? Something that might help bring the play to a wider audience. It might also be combined with a documentary - so that we have interviews, etc. in the beginning, and then a recording of one performance afterwards.
- publishing the text into a book.

Finally, one possible caution:
There's a sequence in the play where an actor says that no one can prohibit one's thoughts and fantasies. That's true, but in some places, it can be illegal to take those fantasies out of our minds and commit them into any form of media - such as photos or even words.

These efforts are, of course, well meaning - I believe anything involving Nazism is illegal in Germany. However, in Canada, I have heard that anything having the remotest connection to things like pedophelia or "crimes against women" may be considered illegal - even an entry in a personal diary. There are no objective yardsticks and it's basically up to the police/prosecutors to decide whether or not to prosecute. Since there might thus be a few issues with some of the sequences in the play, it may be good to check with lawyers in Canada.

Alas there are many, many countries which do not have the protections to free speech that are protected in the US Constitution. May be that's why I think a movie or film might be a good idea - they can always ban a performance but they can't stop a movie or a book.

Thank you.

OMG! I Have the Same Fantasy

What's the most unusual fantasy I've ever had? Well...

I was sitting with a couple of my friends after a show, they had come to see the performance, and they had been thrilled with the production. They talked through their favorite pieces, although, they loved the entire show, each piece affected them differently. My friend's husband, (who, honestly, I wasn't sure if he was going to like the show) said, he really enjoyed it. Than he said, "but the plant fantasy, I thought that was way too out there."

"She wrote that one." His wife said.

"What? You wrote that one? I knew you wrote one but I said to S- there is no way she wrote that one." He said.

"She did." S- said.

"I did. I wrote that one." I said.

"What? You wrote that one!" Then he busted out laughing like it was the funniest thing he had heard in ages.

Funny thing about the plant fantasy is that it isn't an original idea, the first line of the monologue is 100% true: when I was a kid I found a stack of Heavy Metal magazines. Well, that's not entirely true, I didn't find them, they were my mother's, and she used to let me read them till one day, sometime around age five, she suddenly decided that maybe I shouldn't be reading those comics, so I was no longer allowed, but it was too late I had already read, and memorized the images of the woman being raped by space plants.

The best part about writing and sharing a fantasy that just seems so "out there", besides having my friend's husband laugh because he can't believe I wrote it, is when someone gets excited that you have just revealed their little secret, and finally, finally, they can tell someone about it:

My friend, B- is coming to see the show this Thursday, and she is very excited, she had heard my friend and her husband's rave, rave, reviews of the show, and she can't wait. Even before she had heard the reviews she was planning on coming. One day I had been telling her about the plant piece when suddenly she interrupted me and said, Oh My God, I've seem that comic too! I saw it when I was a kid, I had that in my head for years," then she giggled like she was a ten year old trying out a dirty word for the first time.

After Saturday's show, I was standing with another friend, and guy she knew. She was doing some personal PR work for the show telling everyone to see it (she has yet to see it, but her ass will be in a theatre chair this Thursday) and she said, "Adrienna has a fantasy about being screwed by plants." The guy gets all quiet for a moment, and then this look of awe or shock washes over his face. With out making eye contact he said, "When I was a kid, I use to have this fantasy about a plant, it was like a Venus fly trap, and it would come into my room at night and suck on me."

Yes! Exactly! See it isn't that unusual. Isn't that wonderful.

week #2

Thursday night was such a struggle- for all of us, I think. Certainly for me. Coming back to the show after 4 days off- having worked a full week, running around after an eight hour shift waitressing, trying to get programs printed and concessions together, being in the middle of a relationship crises in my personal life - and having to get on stage and convey cheer and desire when I was feeling anything but. Challenging.

But that is the nature of the beast. It ain't film. There are no second takes. So, we pulled together, we called on the assistance of our personal goddesses, we danced around and did an extra vigorous warm-up (remind me to describe our warm-up for you someday - it's unique). And the show was solid. A small and quiet crowd- we couldn't ride their energy or responses much at all. And I think we were feeling our way back into the show, not fully grounded or confident. But still - I didn't feel despondant. I wasn't worried that the show was fatally flawed or lacking. Something felt off- but not permanently. The open-mic was fascinating - a beautiful piece by a couple started it off. He read a story describing his role as a sub, while she flogged him wielding duel floggers, highly choreographed and perfectly timed.

Friday was totally different - many friends and family in the house. My best friends came down from Seattle, Mary had an entourage, and as I have come to really appreciate, the kink community showed up in their finest. The show was lifted by the throb of the crowd - and we returned the serve. The open-mic was again unusual - only three pieces, but gems every one. An impromtu monologue about finding his superpower was created on the spot by L-----, multi-orgasmic man. K---, dressed in her silver evening gown and looking fabulous worked up her courage and pushed past larygitis to perform a piece from an Alester Crowley play. A luscious afternoon H---- recalled from his youth, the 60's were in full swing and the office assistant had a little too much wine. Delicious, every one.

Saturday we fit into our skin. The show felt like it fit - less anxiety I think, coupled with a crowd that wanted to laugh (didn't hurt that I plied them with free champagne before the show - a tribute to my mother's birthday). If I had one observation - it was that we could have picked up the pace. Felt like we were enjoying the moment perhaps a little too long . Hard to say. I haven't gotten a run time from my stage manager once. She told me she doesn't have a stopwatch. So just going on feeling.

But it was once again the open-mic that felt really special. I announced that it was my mother's birthday at the end of the show (along with Jesse and Deb) and the audience sang them happy birthday. I let everyone know that tonight was the first time my mother was seeing the show and that my dad would be doing a piece in honor of her for the open mic. Then we went out into the lobby for cake and more champagne.

The open mic started with me reading this poem called Gate 22 for my folks. It's about an older couple reuniting at an airport and they share this kiss that goes on and on, and how all the spectators wish they were her, being so passionately kissed by him. Then my dad reading a piece by Marge Darcy (I think) that was called One plus One is One or something like that. Really sweet and kind of perfect. A couple performed a brief comic piece about bondage and safewords (I remain puzzled by pickle I have to admit).

Eric - my dear love and life partner, also performed last night. He has been writing this piece all week, which is comepletely unlike him. He writes rarely - it's been so precious to see him hunched over his notebook, thinking. And his piece was beautifully crafted - the story of auditioning a sub, an inspection of the goods, so to speak. I play a role in the fantasy, which is lovely ( I hate feeling left out!)

And then the evening ended with an incredible solo from E----. She played a scorching piece on the violin - just broke out the passionate and had my toes curling the entire time. Exquisite, I mean, she is truly a mistress of her instrument, such a sublime way to end the evening (except for our audience karaoke version of Storm Large's "My Vagina is 8 Miles Wide- which is the evening capper).

I am feeling super excited about the show actually. I hope we sell well next weekend - our last before heading off to Canda. I have Taiga, the sound gal, rebuilding some sound cues. I feel like we're learning how to sculpt the show to highlite the strengths.

Got to figure out how to get people in to the theatre this last weekend. What will be the most effective use of my time. Flyering at psu? hanging posters along the hawethorne/belmont coridor? Facebooking my community ad naseum? I'm totally open to some outside the box thoughts if you've got 'em. (cuz the vagina don't do P/R all that well).

Why

Adrienna's recent post was so true. Inviting Desire really is like a child- a living, breathing, growing, evolving entity. I am realizing it will never be "finished." Which is the nature of this beautiful beast we have created. ~grins~

I have never put so much of myself into a performance. Time, energy, emotion, commitment- I haven't worked on any other theater projects since November. But I feel like this is life well spent- the feedback I've received has been wonderful validation that people want and need to see this kind of honest sexual discourse. When I get emails like the following, it reminds me why I'm doing this...


Thank you for a wonderful performance last night. As an armchair director, I generally can't attend any community theater without walking away with tons of "notes". Not so last night. "Inviting Desire" engaged me entirely from moment one to the end. The writing is world class. Your performance was genuine and moving.

It was perfect.

I will say your name and talk about this amazing show to anyone who will stand still long enough to hear.

Please pass on my deepest gratitude, highest compliments and fondest wishes to your cast mates.

~unknownkitty

Its not just about Birthin' a Baby, its about Raisin' a Child

We are getting geared up for another run here in P-Town. Yesterday, we had a short rehearsal, and went over the parts within the show that we would like to make stronger, more genuine, and more truthful.

Although last Saturday's reaction was surprisingly wonderful- standing ovation. Thank you Portland- we still feel it can be better, sharper, precise; "razor sharp".

I've never worked a show where the rehearsals continued once the show opened, so it's new for me, but really who am I kidding, it's all new to me. I've never joined an ensemble so late in the game. These ladies have been working together on this show for nearly a year and I just reached my month mark two days ago. My friend had said, it was like I just joined a band; the old guitarist quit and I'm the new one, only the last album with the previous band members was a hit album, so the stakes are high, and the expectations (My friend and I often do this band/theatre comparison).

I've been digging down into my old college theatre bag of educated acting tricks, none of which seem to be working, and I'm thinking about writing a few of my professors and asking, "hey, what happened to the joining an ensemble troupe that is already well into the process, and the vision, and then plans to go on tour in a matter of weeks, techniques 101 class?

Honestly, isn't this the nature of theatre? Always morphing and changing? Even those shows where it is set to be done exactly the same every night, it never truly is. You never know what an audience is going to do, and what if a bat flies onto the stage, huh? That wasn't in the script now was it? (I saw that happen in a show once) Every experience is different, and you need to drop your old coat at the door every time, or all your clothes in this show, and be ready for the new experience. It isn't easy, but there are few opportunities that are as rewarding.

So here I am, the day before a performance, going over my notes, and walking around with various postures and voices talking to myself, and looking generally crazy; that's what actors look like, because this naked baby may have been born she's still not growns ups yet, but what a beautiful bouncing baby she is.